I wonder why, we can shout & scream at our own parents when we are unhappy, but everything will resume normal ( as if nothing happens) the next day. Your dad will still pick you up from school, your mom will still cook your dinner. And you probably still ask for your pocket money without feeling bashful or uncomfortable because of the argument the day before.
I guess such a bond starts since as a baby inside the womb. As a baby, we will "kick" our mom inside her tummy. When we are born, we will cry and scream to get our favourite toy or food. But you just know your parents ( at least most of the parents) will alway be there for you.
I wonder why, we cant have that kind of "understanding" with the other relationships. Or rather, we have to put in efforts to build up the foundation for the other relationships to achieve similiar kind of bond.
Probably because parents will love us unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. Essentially, we are 'part' of our parents, connected closely by blood. In other relationships, we probably expect the other party to reciprocal more or at least the same amount of commitment.
Or probably we can choose the 'parties' for other relationships, but we cant choose our own parents. It's easier to give up the former relationships when things dont work out the way we want/expect, but definitely we cannot just cut off the relationship with our parents.
I think it's quite normal for children nowadays to shout/argue at parents. I do that. Sometimes we raise our voice, not to be mean to our parents. Rather, it's because we cant get our points across, and impatience simply fused your thoughts.
But amazingly, regardless of what tone/language we used, we will still talk to each other like any other days after the argument. There is no need to apologise, there is no need to explain further. Although, we shouldnt take such relationship for granted.
I do not have to worry that because of my impatience to voice up my points/feelings, I have inevitably 'hurt' them with the words I spoke, and so my parents will stop loving me because they misunderstand me. They may not understand me clearly, but I just know they will still care & love for me.
The same kind of argument with your wife/husband/gf/bf/friend may not turn out the same way. There is still a certain degree of hesitation when it comes to voice up all your feelings.
You may be unhappy with your best friend for having the same top as you, but would you say it out bluntly? I probably not. I dunno my own feelings well. It could be I'm just having a higher level of tolerance with my friend, or simply I'm worried of risking the friendship by starting an "argument".
It's quite ironic. Usually you will have less tolerance, letting go all your negative feelings ( anger, frustration etc) with those closest to you.
I think especially for wife/husband/gf/bf, they will be the closest to you other than blood-related family members. However many times, we 'let go' before building up a strong foundation of trust & love, i.e the unconditional love from our parents to us. Without this strong foundation, it leads to hesitation, resistance, uncertainties.
Because we are worried of being misunderstand, we rather take the easy way out, to bottle up feelings. However, there will be a limit of your own bottle. Sooner or later, the cork will just pop.
I read a book before that says that argument can be positive energy. But it's very important to manage the argument such that it doesnt lead to personal attack. Rather, things are voiced up mainly to understand each other better. At the end of the day, we may not agree in total. However, at the very least, we will know each other's thoughts and manage our expectations of others better.
So for those who know me personally, if I argue with you. It's simply because
I want to understand you better and hope that you understand me better too!! Hence,
you cannot be angry with me!! =p
Keke... ^____^
